Fredagsgodis 17nov 2017

 

 

GODIS LIGHT

PÅ MENTALSJUKHUSET

Under ett studiebesök på ett mentalsjukhus frågade jag psykiatridirektören hur man kan avgöra huruvida en patient borde institutionaliseras eller inte.

– Jo, sade direktören, vi fyller ett badkar med vatten. Sedan erbjuder vi åt patienten en tesked, en tekopp och en hink. Han/hon ombeds sedan att tömma badkaret.

– Jag förstår, sade jag, en normal person skulle använda hinken för att det är större än teskeden och koppen!

– Nej, svarade direktören, en normal person skulle dra ut proppen – önskar du en sängplats närmast fönstret?

 

Citat ur patientjournaler

Passkontroll för 10 år sen

TRE KVIKKE ÆLDRE DAMER

Önskebrunnen

Brocolli caserolle

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ANBUDSFÖRFARANDE

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew $100 profit for me.”

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, ”You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

 

SUMMERTIME

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting And laughing with glee..

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, ‘We’re not coming out until you leave!

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.’

Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Some old men can still think fast.!!

 

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Die Tasche

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